LAS VEGAS — J.Lo and Ben did it. So did Michael and Juanita Jordan. So did Bruce Willis and Demi Moore. So did Frank Sinatra and Mia Farrow. So did my sister-in-law Diane and I can’t remember the guy’s name.
What did they all do? Got married at A Little White Wedding Chapel here in Vegas.
Just in case you’re thinking of popping the question and getting married at WARP speed, this is your place. As a matter of fact, you don’t even have to get out of your car. Yup. It’s the DRIVE-THRU TUNNEL OF LOVE WEDDING, BAABBBEEE!!! The Tunnel will cost you 180 bucks and you can get a religious or civil ceremony, with witness (if needed). If you wanna get Elvis to stand next to you, it’ll probably cost a few extra bones, or maybe they just pull some straggler off the street to witness. You get a bridal bouquet for the lady and a boutonniere for the gentleman.
If you’re looking to go religious and need a minister, it’s extra. They tell me that the ministers get paid by cash donations provided to them by the couples. They even have minister’s envelopes with suggestions of $40, $60 or $100.
A little more expensive, $525, but not top-tier, is the Elvis Tribute #2 Package. You get to sit in the Pink Cadillac in the Tunnel of Love, but the Caddy is stationary and does NOT move. You get the back seat with Elvis up front. Elvis might or might not marry you, but he will get his song on and definitely throw you a HUNKA, HUNKA BURNING LOVE!
But, if you had a YUGE night at the casino and wanna impress the first – or next – Mrs., try the Love Is In The Air package. Think of it as a fly-by. You get into a helicopter at the Las Vegas airport and fly past Mandalay Bay heading north over the Strip to downtown, then circle back to the airport. You can get married in the air by the minister, but you better make his envelope a little thicker. And you’ll need to peel off 1,200 Benjamins for the house to buy this package.
And if you had a REALLY rough night at the tables, try the Gazebo Ceremony for a flat $50. You get the ceremony, and MAYBE a witness.
My option would be the Tunnel of Love because you could rock your online casino, bet some sports, even play a little craps while you wait for the couple in front of you to get hitched.
And while you’re waiting in line to tie the knot, you might wanna look at some NFL season win totals. Specifically the Minnesota Vikings. We see that Sportsbook is listing the Purple People Eaters with a total of 9 wins, but if you shop around, you can probably find some 8.5s out there. Minny was 8-9 last season and should be able to lock in at least nine W’s this year.
Kevin O’Connell comes over from the L.A. Rams where he was the offensive coordinator for Sean McVay and the Super Bowl champs. Some people bag on Captain Kirk Cousins, but he passed for 4,221 yards in 16 games, with a 66.3 percent completion rate, 33 TDs and only seven INTs. And that was in the PAINFULLY conservative offense under Mike Zimmer. Kevin O is gonna spread the field for Kirk and the results should be DELICIOUS! Gimme a handful of chips on the OVER, BAABBBEEE!!!
Benjamin Eckstein is a nationally syndicated sportswriter/oddsmaker. His column, America’s Line, with the Ecks & Bacon appetizer, has run in the New York Daily News and over 100 other papers since 1988. You can follow him online at www.americasline.com. He is beloved by most, when he picks winners, and detested by others, when he picks the occasional loser. If you wanna piece of Eck, hit his email... ben@americasline.com.
